Paraprosdokian

Here is the definition of Paraprosdokian: "Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation."

"Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.

Ok, so now enjoy. - - - - - - - - - - - -

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Final Words of Wisdom:
"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

Write on,

Mittster

Our Dollars at Work

"House Minority Leader Lawrence F. Cafero Jr. pictured standing, far right, speaks while colleagues Rep. Barbara Lambert, and Rep. Jack F. Hennessy, , play solitaire Monday night as the House convened to vote on a new budget. (AP)

The guy sitting in the row in front of these two....he's on Facebook, and the guy behind Hennessy is checking out the baseball scores.

These are the folks that couldn't get the budget out by Oct. 1, and are about to control your health care, cap and trade, and the list goes on and on..
Should we buy them larger screen computers - or - a ticket home, permanently?

This is one of their 3-DAY WORK WEEKS that we all pay for (salary is about $179,000 per year)."

What part about yesterday's blog didn't you understand?

I'm just saying,

Mittster

My Two Cents

We all have opinions. The problem is that unless two or more people have the same opinion, the single opinion isn’t worth squat. The end result is that most opinions are worthless and alone in the dark. I propose we abandon opinions in favor of options. Here is a list of options I propose in lieu of single opinions from opinionated people who are always in the dark.




Option one: All politicians are to be given trials, found guilty of high treason against the American people and rode out of town on a rail after being tarred and feathered. Synthetic tar and feathers are acceptable.




Option two: Media moguls are also to be given trials, found guilty of high treason against the American people and forced to sit for eight hours a day and read the biased crap they print. Afterward, they too are to be tarred and feathered and rode out of town on a rail.




Option three: All reporters are to be given trials, found guilty of high treason against the American people and have their mouths washed out with lye (pun intended) soap. Then they also will ride the rail.




Option four: Leftwing Hollywood celebs who think we could and should stop using fossil fuel this very instant will also stand trial and be found guilty of intellectual treason. The punishment will be that each one will dive headfirst into the La Brea Tar Pits and be rescued in about 10,000 years.




Option five: Publishers who never, and I mean never, crack open a manuscript from an unknown author no matter how many years the author toiled to produce it, shall be judged by all the newbie authors in the country and after judgment, the penalty will be up to the authors. May I suggest that every publisher be made to read said manuscripts even into the next life? After that, they are all yours – providing you meet up with them in the next life.




Option six: You can disregard these options altogether and opt for a good book and a cup of tea. That’s exactly what I am going to do now myself.

Write on,

Mittster

Willie continued

All I can say is WOW! Willie Nelson proved once again why he is an American icon and my personal hero. Any man at his age (78) who can play the guitar with such authority and sing for an hour and a half with force and conviction has my vote.




He not only paid homage to his own composing genius, but also to Hank William, Kris Kristofferson, Waylon Jennings and others. He (Willie) brings music alive with natural ability and honesty. I wanted to hear Willie sing all the songs that had brought him fame, and brother, he delivered! It was like the old times when Willie, Waylon, Kris, and Johnny would bring down the house in concerts all over America. Willie rocked our universe Friday night at the Stargazer Pavilion in Camp Verde, Arizona, with song after song, nonstop.




Who would have thought that Willie would ever come to our small community? Thank you, Cliff Castle Casino, for providing the venue for such a fantastic night under the moon and stars; it was a magical moment in time and my wife and I will never forget this concert!




Although Willie will never know, I want to thank him personally for singing “Angel Flying To Close To The Ground.” It is my wife’s favorite, and I could swear he was looking right at her when he sang it. It brought tears to my eyes. She is such a Willie fan and has seen many of his concerts, but never one so up close and personal. The light in her eyes matched the stars shining brightly overhead. There was no doubt the whole crowd felt the same way. The hooting and hollering could be heard for miles around.




Thank you, Willie, for singing and playing your heart out…we love you!

Write on,

Mittster

Willie

I swore after the last concert in Prescott Valley, Arizona, to see Willie Nelson that I would never go again. Willie sucked, Merle Haggard sucked, while Ray Price went on and on and on and on singing my parents music. What happened to Willie the "outlaw" and his fabulous shit kicking music I loved in the ‘70s and ‘80s I wondered as sleep tried to take me over while slumping in my chair at the Toyota Pavilion suppressing large yawns?

This time is supposed to be different. First of all he is now “Willie and Family,” and his son is playing the gig with the old man. This alone should be interesting. Second, my wife got VIP seats in the first two rows at the Cliff Castle Casino outdoor Pavilion in Camp Verde. The only time I remember being a VIP was during an income tax audit. For those of you who don’t know where Camp Verde is, don’t worry – no one else knows either.

The concert is tonight and it coincides with the Thunder Valley Rally, a big motorcycle rally being held in the area this weekend. It will be fun riding the bike to the concert and then to the rally in Old Town Cottonwood tomorrow, which should also be interesting because the town is about a city block long with not much parking and it’s the first time the rally will be held there. It used to be at the casino every year, but for some reason the tribe rejected us this year. I am going to protest by not playing my normal $40 dollars at the slots. I plan to only lose $20 this year.

To be continued….

Mittster