The Eyes Have It

After writing my first novel, I started using the Internet to promote my book, while writing like a mad hatter to finish the sequel. I became involved with a Web site, Twitter and Facebook. I also starting having book signings anywhere I was welcome and a few places I wasn’t. I would even ask people in stores if they liked murder mysteries. If they did, I was on them like a cheap TV commercial. Much to my surprise, I even sold books at yard sales.

After three years of meeting other newbie authors in person and on the Web, I have come to the realization that we all have three things in common. The first and most important is passion. In my lifetime I have not met a more passionate group of people. It’s palatable in nature and almost like you could cut the passion with a knife. Each and every one of us could talk for hours about our work – not in an egotistical way, but in a passionate way. We absolutely love what we do!

The second is the look in our eyes. I have looked in the eyes of many authors and the result is always the same. There is a fire behind those eyes and they burn bright with intelligence, eagerness, awareness and (of course) passion. Sometimes it can be a little disconcerting because it’s like looking into a mirror and I wonder if my eyes look so intense. I have never been able to see in my eyes what I see in others, but friends have assured me that I have “the look.”

The third thing is universal craziness. Yes, we all must surely be nuts and close to certifiable. Any person who spends every waking moment of every day writing, promoting, facing rejection and ridicule along with praise from some and a stoning from others, must be crazy. With every positive come just as many negatives. Selling your books is like selling vacuum cleaners door to door. We know our work is very good because we put years into writing and promoting it, but that is never enough to become a “best seller.” Frustration is the mother of insanity and sometimes it’s enough to put us in a padded cell.

My hat is off to the hundreds of newbie writers who have the passion and internal fortitude to attempt to write a novel. The journey is fraught with danger, disappointment and rejection; but at the same time, it can be overwhelming with the pride of accomplishment that you have done something not many ever do in their lifetimes. You wrote and published a novel. It is even more exciting if you have written more than one.

What keeps me from the padded cell? I refuse to succumb until I finish my third novel. I keep procrastinating because once it is finished; my wife will surely have me locked away in the loony bin.

I’m just saying,

Mittster

My Favorite Addiction

According to a quiz, I am only 19% addicted to Facebook. I thought for sure the score would be higher; I'm a little disappointed. After deactivating my account for a total of three days so I could catch up on work, I found that during the process of writing my new murder mystery, The Phoenix Code, I would start thinking about all the wonderful friends and family I used to be in contact with on Facebook and lose my train of thought concerning the book. Crap, I was better off when I was checking out all the comments twice a day on Facebook. At least then, while I was working on my book, it was possible to concentrate.

Just to be sure I wasn't addicted, I found and took the test. OK, I'm only a little addicted. It's not like when I used to drink and could not stop at just one. This is different; I only need a Facebook fix twice a day, seven days a week. Holy cow, if that were booze, I would be totally whacked most of the time!

Well, I'm not quitting Facebook. I gave up my addictive behavior fifteen years ago when I got married. I need to have at least one addiction and Facebook will do nicely, thank you very much.

I'm just saying,

Mittster

Author 101

I think most of us, at one time or another; have thought how great it would be to write a novel. I also think we have all tried our hand at writing poetry. What most of us haven’t done is get serious about writing.

Author Eri Nelson recently commented on Facebook that, “In my moments of shaken endeavors, I will rejoice in success of my resolve to try.” This statement exemplifies what being an author is really about. If you write because you are compelled to do so and you rejoice in the effort, that is enough compensation, because, usually, that will be all the compensation you ever get.

Do not write because you think you are going to be rich and famous. That concept is an illusion, and with some a delusion that can become an obsession causing metal problems. Write because at that moment in time you feel free, alive and excited about writing the next chapter and the next. Becoming one with your story is living the book as you write it. Even to the point when you know that the story must end, you want to continue. It is at this point you write the sequel.

For those of you who have always wanted to write, but were afraid of failure and/or ridicule, I say follow your passion and dreams. Find time in your busy life to start one sentence and keep going until you have a paragraph. The next thing you know is that you have written your first chapter. From that point forward you will be hooked and nothing will get in your way of becoming an author; not even yourself. Which, by the way, is the only real thing blocking your success.

I remember starting my first murder mystery with fear and much anxiety. What if this and what if that? Oh, my, how do I write the first sex scene? How do I describe the first murder? How do I make it believable? When the time came to describe these topics, I was surprised to discover that every movie, TV show and written article I had ever seen came to mind, and I was able to write every juicy detail with vigor and take the reader to places they really didn’t want to go.

“Mitt, you are one sick puppy,” was what I heard from many readers who were unable to stop reading until the book was finished. I may be a sick puppy, but the readers reveled in my sickness. Like my wonderful wife explained to her elderly mother after she called while reading Evil in the Mirror; “Mom, it’s called imagination. I am perfectly safe with my author husband!”

Thank you, Mum, for being concerned about your daughter’s safety. You are my best critic.

Write on,

Mittster

My Two Cents

We all have opinions. The problem is that unless two or more people have the same opinion, the single opinion isn’t worth squat. The end result is that most opinions are worthless and alone in the dark. I propose we abandon opinions in favor of options. Here is a list of options I propose in lieu of single opinions from opinionated people who are always in the dark.




Option one: All politicians are to be given trials, found guilty of high treason against the American people and rode out of town on a rail after being tarred and feathered. Synthetic tar and feathers are acceptable.




Option two: Media moguls are also to be given trials, found guilty of high treason against the American people and forced to sit for eight hours a day and read the biased crap they print. Afterward, they too are to be tarred and feathered and rode out of town on a rail.




Option three: All reporters are to be given trials, found guilty of high treason against the American people and have their mouths washed out with lye (pun intended) soap. Then they also will ride the rail.




Option four: Leftwing Hollywood celebs who think we could and should stop using fossil fuel this very instant will also stand trial and be found guilty of intellectual treason. The punishment will be that each one will dive headfirst into the La Brea Tar Pits and be rescued in about 10,000 years.




Option five: Publishers who never, and I mean never, crack open a manuscript from an unknown author no matter how many years the author toiled to produce it, shall be judged by all the newbie authors in the country and after judgment, the penalty will be up to the authors. May I suggest that every publisher be made to read said manuscripts even into the next life? After that, they are all yours – providing you meet up with them in the next life.




Option six: You can disregard these options altogether and opt for a good book and a cup of tea. That’s exactly what I am going to do now myself.

Write on,

Mittster

Frankly, I Don't Give a Damn!

Frankly, traditional publishers, I don't give a damn! If I die not selling another book, you can rest assured that using a POD (Print On Demand) publisher is light years ahead of trying to get a pompous, élite, self-serving, holier than thou, snobbish, dinosaur ass, traditional publisher to even open your manuscript envelope, let alone read it. I have heard that they have huge trash cans for unopened manuscript envelopes and use them to stay warm in the winter, which is impossible considering they are reptilian.

I have lost count of the horror stories concerning newbie writers being treated like subhumans at the hands of traditional publishers. Worse yet, if you were one of the very fortunate writers able to get signed by one of these publishing houses, your status went from subhuman to slave. Forget keeping the content of your novel. It will be tweaked into oblivion. Not to worry though; the odds of getting published are worse than winning the lottery!

Did I send my manuscript to some traditional publishers? Yes. But, after wasting about fifty bucks on postage, I decided it would be cheaper in the long run to hire a POD publisher. After much research and a little luck, I found the perfect publisher, Wheatmark, Inc.

Here is the gist of an e-mail I received today from Wheatmark:

“We received your Proof Approval Form and have released your files to the printer. You will receive your Author Sample Copies in about a week from today.”

In other words, my sequel murder mystery, Day Stalker, has gone to press!

That’s what I’m talking about…. While some newbie authors are waiting for word on manuscripts that will never come, I just had my second novel published. I am already working on the third novel, The Phoenix Code, anticipating finishing the trilogy next May.

What are you waiting for? Get your book started; a great adventure waits!

Write on,

Mittster

Critique This!

I must admit that having my work critiqued by strangers pisses me off most of the time. “What do you mean my book’s timeline is not clear? It’s clear to me, butt breath!” Oh, crap, there I go again taking critiques personally.

My first critique ever was from a schoolmarm that lives in California. She said my writing was at the ninth grade level, but that it would target a great range of readers around the world. Another good thing about writing at that level is that it keeps the PhD’s critiquing. After all, if it were not for writers like me, they would be mummified in their library chairs, with a glass of expensive scotch wasted, cigar cold and lifeless and an old phonograph needle skipping like a rock on a pond, repeating the same scratchy opera musical phrase over and over.

Don’t get me wrong, a person with PhD worked hard to reach that level. I just wish they would have some appreciation for those of us who have PhD’s in the school of hard knocks. We worked hard too, but with no recognition.

Does it piss off the PhDers’ to know that I don’t like Dr. Phil? Probably not, but that’s no sweat off my gonies!

Mittster

The Ten Commandments for Newbie Authors

1. Don’t take yourself too seriously.

2. Don’t quit your day job.

3. Buy a suit of armor, you will need it.

4. If you don’t think your book is superb, throw it in the trash.

5. Write because you are compelled, not because you think you see profit.

6. Write with passion or don’t write at all.

7. When in doubt, Google it.

8. If you are anti-social, stay with your day job.

9. If you are not computer literate, make sure your editor and proofer are.

10. Never stop promoting your work.

Even though I am still a newbie author after two books self-published, I have no regrets. The thrill of writing two murder mysteries lingers in my senses like the taste of fine wine. I am intoxicated with the feeling of accomplishment and proud that I indeed finished what I started albeit unknown to the world.





If you are compelled to write, then indeed start that first paragraph. The rest will come and you could create a best seller. You won’t know if you don’t go! Best wishes….

Write on,

Mittster

Newbie Authors

I have some newbie author friends out there who are just about to jump off a bridge because they can’t make a living as an author. They know their work is not only good, but brilliant, yet they still can’t sell enough books to even come close to recouping their investment of time, money, sweat and tears.




Unless you are an author, you can never truly appreciate the work it takes to write a novel. It takes months of research, proofing, editing, more and more proofing and editing, and that’s not the half of it. Creativity takes energy and sometimes the energy just isn’t there. That is called writer’s block and even though it isn’t permanent, the delay causes depression.




That is when an author really has to prove his or her salt. They have to pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and get on with writing yet another chapter – then another and so on until the rough draft is finally finished.




You might ask yourself why someone would go to all that trouble and then have to face the fact that it’s a one in a billion chance that the book will become popular, let alone a “best seller.”




All newbie writers know the odds, yet they try with all their heart and soul to beat the odds. Therein lies the rub – you see, writers are compelled to create stories that take their readers on a journey of discovery, no matter the genre. It’s not like they have a choice. Painters are much the same way; they paint because they must.

When you understand your compulsion, it becomes easier to accept the fact that you were born to write no matter what time in your life you started writing. Grandma Moses was elderly when she started painting and didn’t live long enough to fully understand the impact her work would have on the painting world.




I admire newbie writers because they take that monumental step to fulfill their desire to create. They write the first paragraph and then magic happens; a novel is born. I have come to the conclusion that we newbies share a common bond that will never be broken. So we don’t sell a million books, so what! How many people on the planet have accomplished what we have by writing a novel, let alone two or even more?

Stand tall, my fellow newbies, we can be satisfird with our accomplishments. I am proud to be an author, albeit unknown. I figure when my third murder mystery is completed, I will no longer be a newbie – just an unknown author who still has his integrity.

Write on,

Mittster

So You Want To Be An Author

So what is keeping you from joining the ranks of millions of other unknown, broke and downtrodden author wannabes? All it takes is money to get your novel published in today’s book world. There are many print-on-demand or POD publishers out there just waiting for you to happen by, said the spider to the fly.

I know much has been said about the thrill of seeing your book in print and for sale on Amazon.com, and there is some truth in that visual treat. The only downside is that unless you are independently wealthy, you will surely slink back to your day job to keep beans on the table and wonder if the effort was worth it.

My murder mysteries, Evil in the Mirror and Day Stalker are indeed on Amazon and my name is plastered all over many pages on Google, but book sales are dismal no matter how hard I try to promote them. Could this mean the books are garbage? It could, but they are not; just check out the reviews! Something else is the cause of stale book sales.

The world economy certainly plays a large part. It’s hard to sell anything right now, let alone new books at retail when people can go to used book stores or better yet, a library and get books for free. I don’t blame anyone for doing that; readaholics need their fix and when money is scarce, libraries are the place to go.

Another possibility is that traditional publishers have become so elite that sending a manuscript to them is an exercise in futility and a waste of postage. How the big publishers stay so snobbish is a mystery to me (no pun intended). I think there is a method to their madness though. If you publish only known, bestselling authors, you don’t waste profits on promoting someone unknown that may or may not sell many books.

On a positive note, I am not going to throw in the towel. Maybe I can outlive the publishing snobs and snobettes and still become a bestselling author. In the meanwhile, I think I will fire up the Harley and go for a ride. When I get back, things will look much better and I will be able to continue writing my new murder mystery called The Phoenix Code. After all, writing is my passion while money is just a means to an end. I think the term “starving author” has some dignity to it. No one likes an obese bestselling author!

I’m just saying,

Mittster

Naturalist Attire

While participating in the Oasis Book Store Author’s Festival, I noticed Paul Winer had the same kind of covering he wears for sale in his store. They go for $10.00, and the spiders are optional.

No wonder he is so energetic while working the customers. I would too if I had spiders in my crotch!

I'm just saying,

Mittster

Naked Paul

I’m feeling sorry for the women who read my blogs and have been continually bombarded with images of almost naked Paul Winer, the owner of Reader’s Oasis Book Store in Quartzsite, Arizona. It was rude of me, to say the least.

I have attached a photo that might be more pleasing to the eye, albeit not as revealing as the Winer photographs. For this, I apologize, but it seems that Paul has a constitutional right to appear in public revealing more than the rest of the citizenry in America. He fought the federal government for years to obtain the right, as a naturalist, to reveal what most men or women really did not want to see in the first place.

I personally don’t know what all the fuss is about. I see more ugly flesh at WallyWorld than I have ever seen in Quartzsite! I hope this blog will ease concerns that I favor Paul over other men. The truth is that I don’t even like men. I prefer women; after all, I am a lesbian in a male body! OH, by the way, I have a constitutional right to say that….

I’m just saying,

Mittster

Front-Page Story

Our Camp Verde newspaper, The Bugle, did a front-page article last Wednesday titled The Storytellers, and low and behold there was a picture of my book and me on the front and second page along with two other self-published authors. I think the three of us now rank as local celebs.

It seems every month that passes my hard work to promote Evil in the Mirror and Day Stalker, plus continuing to write The Phoenix Code (which will complete the trilogy), gets me a little closer to being a best-selling author. Of course that is my goal and dream, but making some money at it would be nice too.

Anyone who reads my blogs knows how I preach to newbie writers about never giving up on their passion to create the perfect novel and become known to the world. Sometimes I have to look in the mirror and pinch myself so that I can believe just how far I have come in less than two years. Have I ever been discouraged? Sure, but I never lost faith in my abilities and the quality of my work. I write a mean murder mystery; and if you don't toot your own horn, who will?

I can tell you this much; living in a small community really helps. When I write early in the morning, Camp Verde is quiet as a mouse. It doesn't get any better than that when a writer needs to concentrate. I wish every community in Arizona were like this town. "The Mittster, his wife, four dogs and a parrot live in the perfect place."

I'm just saying....

The Agent Trap

What kind of fool does the writing world take me for anyway? What do you mean, after my second murder mystery, I am still an unknown author? I refuse to be called a newbie writer any more. My name is Mr. Murder Mystery Writer to you!

Read this and learn, you snobbish, jack wagon agents who want money out front to promote me and my books--real agents work on commission. You help me to become successful and then, and only then, will you reap the rewards. Good God, Claude, I always had to work hard for my money, but now-a-days everyone on the Web tries to get paid first and then (maybe) work second. Nice work if you can get it. Well, you’re not getting it from me!

The above is just practice for when I start looking for a book agent. My friend Candace Bowser(Origins Vampire Trilogy) has been looking for an agent for some time and has some real horror stories. She finally found a site online that might be legitimate. Candace is running headfirst like a wild banshee into the dark world of agents trying to find someone who will help promote her fantastic books. I not only wish her well, but look forward to following her charge. If all I find is her dead and bloody ego lying along the dark wayside, I will make a fast retreat back into the light. No sense in both of us getting ripped to shreds.

You would think after all our trials and tribulations, newbie writers like Candace and I would just give up on becoming bestselling authors. Well, think again; we have yet begun to fight. I am working hard on the last book of my trilogy, and Candace has started a new book that will take her talent to a whole new level. I have read an excerpt and it has left me wanting more.

My hat is off to you, Candace, and to all the other fellow authors who just need a tiny crack in the wall at the newbie prison for first time authors. Look out when the wall is breached. Candace and I are coming out first at a dead run to bestselling status and we will take no prisoners!

Write on,

Mittster

Something To Blog About

I received an e-mail from Google informing me that they had donated 20 million dollars to worldwide charities in 2010. They also thanked me and everyone who uses Google for making that donation possible. Personally, 20 million dollars doesn't register on my Richter scale - it only goes to a couple hundred thousand and then rolls over and plays dead.

I have always preferred Google for my search engine, but it wasn't until I was introduced to Google Blogspot that I began to really appreciate the company. It's great that the site is free, but more importantly (unlike most Web freebies), Blogspot is a fantastic and professional looking blog page! You can do everything the paid sites can do and more. Such a deal! There is something in this world that is actually free.

As an author, blogging is a must. Because of my teaching to learn philosophy, reaching out with a blog takes on a new and exciting dimension. I like to share my experiences in the writing world with the newbies who are trying to write, publish, and share their work. With a blog, your writings can truly be seen by billions of people!

Because I have managed to get two books published, I do feel that I can teach others who want to become published authors to avoid the pitfalls I encountered on my journey. Why make costly mistakes along the way. Everything I have written to help folks on my blog is also free. I learned that from Blogspot.

My site has well over 200 past blogs. I admit not all are about being an author, but each and every one is about being a writer. The good, bad and ugly are all there waiting for you to read. Pick out the things that may help you walk through the minefield of becoming a published author and disregard the ones that don't. I do hope you find some of my writing funny because without some humor, your journey will indeed be a long one.

One thing is for sure; while I am trying to teach you from my experiences, I will learn just as much or more than you. It's that teach to learn thing. Once you get published, try teaching what you have learned. The results may surprise you....

Write on,

Mittster

The 800-Pound Gorilla

The wonderful thing about having a blog that most people don't read is that I get to say almost anything I want. I could say some things that would force Google to boot my booty off-line, but that would be counterproductive.

This blog makes me absolutely no money, so I can't lose what I don't have. I thought about ringing the perimeter of this blog with advertising like the Big Gorilla Blogs, but I hate it every time I accidentally click on one and end up in a mystic ad land that refuses to let my back or shut down icons work. I end up pushing my finger hard and deep into the computer tower off-button just to escape, and then I have to deal with the re-start-up fiasco.

I do use this blog to promote my book, but the nineteen people who read my blogs have already bought the book, so the promotions mostly look on blind eyes. That's OK, though; I do get an occasional lol, lmao and such.

At least now I can start promoting my new book and give my small following something new to look at. Unfortunately, they will get bored quickly and I will have to try to be funny again to keep their attention. That too is OK. Humor is the only paycheck for unknown, newbie authors. I'm not complaining, laughing far outweighs crying, and I don't waste Kleenex.

So what keeps me going down the lonely, newbie author pathway? I'll tell you something - there is no one answer. Passion for writing is the main thing, but ego is another. Most will not admit to the latter. I freely do, because it's my blog and no one reads it. I refuse to write two murder mysteries and let them become obscure in the bowles of Amazon. My ego won't allow it. There is also the matter of fame. Yes, I want fame and fortune and I want them now! There, I've said it and I feel much better for it....

There are a few of the nineteen people who read my blogs that wish it would just fade away. You know who you are! Forget it, this blog will be up and running till the day I go to the big blog in the sky. Unlike writing a novel, which takes months and sometimes years to write, blogs are here and now. It's self-gratification to the extreme. It's like Meg Ryan in her famous scene in When Harry Met Sally.

Oh, crap, now my secrets are out. Ego, Fame and Eroticism are great motivators also....

Write on,

Mittster

The Man and the Author

If you click on the title of this blog, you will find Candace L. Bowser's candid interview with me recently. I found this young freelance author and novelist delightful. If you have a chance, after reading the interview, click on her Website at the bottom of the page. Better yet, read one of her captivating novels! Her writing and research capabilities are astounding! Personally, I am glad she is not writing murder mysteries.... I would certainly have some stiff competition!

I am just saying,

Mittster

Frankly, I Don't Give a Damn!

Frankly, traditional publishers, I don't give a damn! If I die not selling another book, you can rest assured that using a POD (Print On Demand) publisher is light years ahead of trying to get a pompous, élite, self-serving, holier than thou, snobbish, dinosaur ass, traditional publisher to even open your manuscript envelope, let alone read it. I have heard that they have huge trash cans for unopened manuscript envelopes and use them to stay warm in the winter, which is impossible considering they are reptilian.

I have lost count of the horror stories concerning newbie writers being treated like subhumans at the hands of traditional publishers. Worse yet, if you were one of the very fortunate writers able to get signed by one of these publishing houses, your status went from subhuman to slave. Forget keeping the content of your novel. It will be tweaked into oblivion. Not to worry though; the odds of getting published are worse than winning the lottery!

Did I send my manuscript to some traditional publishers? Yes. But, after wasting about fifty bucks on postage, I decided it would be cheaper in the long run to hire a POD publisher. After much research and a little luck, I found the perfect publisher, Wheatmark, Inc.

Here is the gist of an e-mail I received today from Wheatmark:

“We received your Proof Approval Form and have released your files to the printer. You will receive your Author Sample Copies in about a week from today.”

In other words, my sequel murder mystery, Day Stalker, has gone to press!

That’s what I’m talking about…. While some newbie authors are waiting for word on manuscripts that will never come, I just had my second novel published. I am already working on the third novel, The Phoenix Code, anticipating finishing the trilogy next May.

What are you waiting for? Get your book started; a great adventure waits!

Write on,

Mittster

Dolt Book-Writing Course Continued

Click on the title of this blog for the best definition of a dolt that I have found to date. It sure fits me to a T. Let us continue down the road of publishing your first novel. The road can be rocky and uphill, but once you gain confidence, it begins to be level and paved.

O. How do I find a publisher? This is the million dollar question that keeps most newbie writers from finishing their book project. The truth is that this question is the easiest to answer. You are not going to find a traditional publisher unless you have really high-up-the-ladder connections. If you had these connections, you wouldn't be reading this blog in the first place. This leaves a POD (publish on demand) publisher, or you become a self-published author. The latter is reserved for brains who can do all the technical stuff and don't mind having a garage full of books to sell. I prefer to use a POD. You don't have to deal with a garage full of books, copyrights, legal stuff (disclaimers), and technical issues because they are taken care of by the POD publisher.

P. Can I get my book published for free? No, you cannot. If you think you can, you have been listening to someone who is below dolt level. Somewhere around idiot, I should think. There is nothing for free in this world, but with research and commonsense, you can minimize the costs associated with publishing your book. The main thing is that it can be done, so quit worrying and finish your book project!

Q. How can I get my book on Amazon and Barnes & Noble? Once your book is published by a POD publisher, they will put your book on just about every virtual book store on the planet. Sit back and relax. It won't take long and you will be able to see your book cover, grabber, bio and price on line. That is an exciting day for sure!

R. Will my POD publisher promote my book? No, unless your name is Stephen King, which it isn't. You will be responsible for promoting your book. If you had the commitment to write the darn thing in the first place, you surely will have the commitment to promote it.

S. How long will it take me to become a best-selling author? Now that is a difficult question. If I quoted the daunting statistics concerning newbie authors, we all would be selling shoes for a living. This is where your passion and commitment comes in to play. Without great passion for your work, you will be buried in the negative press about how many books get published every year vs. how many authors are successful. Of course, it also depends on your definition of success. Seeing your book in print should be your first goal and a lofty goal it is. How many people do you know personally that are published authors? I only know one, and that is me. I find comfort in that statistic. Screw all the others.

End of series for now.

Write on,

Mittster

Dolt Book-Writing Course Continued

So, let's continue with getting you to start writing a novel. Remember, the mountain you are contemplating climbing is only as high as you make it. The first day I started writing Evil in the Mirror, I could have sworn I was climbing Everest, but it turned out to only be a mole hill.

I. How can I remember all the names, places and events in my book? That's an easy one. Set up a storyboard using a spreadsheet. I place all the characters, chapters, page numbers and events in the spreadsheet as I am writing the book. I can review it at any time and believe me, I review it constantly.

J. Research is way too hard. Not! Today's writers have the world at their fingertips. It's called the Internet. I use Google to find anything and everything! Do what I did; my first book is centered in 1968 Tucson, Arizona. No cell phones, personal computers or high-tech to deal with. I was born in Tucson, which made research that much easier. Working smart does not mean you're lazy. Make your first book easy! I like fiction personally. My books can be anything I want them to be.

K. Where do I get an idea for a book? Fire up your computer and Google any subject you can think of. Past experiences and people you have met give you a base to start from. Our heads are full of experiences that can be used for a book. So you have to tweak them a little or a lot, who cares? People who know me can't believe the horrible murders I have come up with. They think I should be in prison or on death row. Truth? I just used past experiences for settings and characters, and the killings were embelished from what I had seen on TV, the movies, and read in books. Use your imagination; that's what it's there for.

L. I'm not educated enough to write a book. Give me a break, I barely graduated from high school. All I have is a P.h.D in the school of hard knocks, but during that process, I taught myself how to touch-type and read everything I could get my hands on. I'm glad my education is from the streets. Have you ever tried to read something written by an over-educated twit? Boring!

M. I can't imagine spending years writing a book. Me either. The actual writing of Evil in the Mirror took three months and Day Stalker four months. I guess I slacked off on Day Stalker.

N. How many words should my book have? For fiction, the minimum is 60,000 and the maximum is 100,000. Historical novels go on, and on, and on.... I personally don't like long, drawn out books. When the story is over, it's over. Don't beat a dead horse.

To be continued....

Write on,

Mittster

Dolt Book-Writing Course

I really don't like the idiot's guide to this or that. Not because it is demeaning and politically incorrect, but rather because it's too far to the left to describe me. Dolt fits me rather nicely. Although, I do have some pride; it's Mr. Dolt to you!

Since today's blog is a book-writing course, I will get on with it.

A. Screw what anyone has ever told you about writing. You can write and be a dolt at the same time.

B. If I can write a novel, even Alfred E. Newman can write one.

C. Author newbies can't make any money writing. This is true, but in today's economy, you can't make any money anyway. At least you can be creative while eating peanut butter and jelly sammies.

D. There are no conventional publishers that will take on your book. This is also true, but you can sell what gold jewelery you have left and hire a POD (Publish on Demand) publisher.

E. If you are passionate about your desire to write a book, the book will magically appear on Amazon.com. This is false, but if you work half as hard writing your book as you did trying to figuring out reasons why you can't write, it will appear on Amazon.com and your pride level will top out in the stratosphere.

F. Your book idea will be so good that other people will promote it. False again; you will be promoting your books until you leave the planet. Writing and promoting are your job, but not to worry, both are fun, especailly when you sign your first book for your first customer!

G. How do I actually start writing a book? It's easy; write one word, then two, then a sentence. Sit back and read your first sentence. Write other sentences until you have a paragraph. Sit back and read your first paragraph. Keep writing until you have a chapter. Once you have a chapter, sit back and read it. If it excites you no end, keep writing. If you fall asleep, it's all over but the crying. You have just discovered you have no passion and you need to try finger painting. Don't be too worried about mistakes. Proofing and editing can be done by others. If you have no friends to help with fine tuning your book, sell some more gold jewelery. Your going to need the money.

H. There is no way I can figure out how to copyright my book and all the other stuff I see in the pages of other books. Again, not to worry...the POD publisher will handle all the technical stuff. Great, one less reason for you to procrastinate.

I. To be continued...

Write on,

Mittster