Fee-fi-fo-fum

“Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman!” Holy crap, no wonder I was traumatized as a youngster. The bedtime stories read to me by Grandma would scare the devil himself. I would never sleep with my hands or feet hanging over the bed to become food for the monster living underneath. As a matter of fact – I still won’t sleep with any part of my body hanging over the bed.




What about Little Red Riding Hood? The big, nasty bad wolf eats Grandma, then gets in her clothes, jumps in bed and waits for Little Red Riding Hood to show up with a food basket so she too can become a gourmet dinner. This story surely made young girls feel warm and fuzzy.




Let’s not forget Hansel and Gretel. This little ditty has a wicked witch enticing a young girl and boy into a gingerbread house so she can pop them into a boiling pot of water for a tasty human stew. Swell, now we are into cannibalism. I know I wouldn’t eat gingerbread for many years after this story.




Oh, yes, and The Three Little Pigs come to mind. To this day I am not comfortable in any house unless it is made of brick. No way am I becoming pig meat to a gnarly wolf!




Little Miss Muffet, sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey;
Along came a spider, who sat down beside her
And frightened Miss Muffet away.
Is it any wonder spiders scare the crap out of us?




Alice in Wonderland, now this is a wonderful book Mum used to read to us when we were little tykes. The only problem was that it reminded me of our house and life. All the characters Alice met resembled aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews and neighbors who visited us. What a nutty family. I bet they too were read fairy tales when they were young.




Last, but not least are the ghost stories our parents used to tell us on Halloween. The one I will never forget not only scarred me emotionally, but physically too. As Mom came to the end of the very scary story, she swung her arms and hands out and down as she screamed, thus scaring the crap out of us and hitting me in the family jewels all in one fell swoop. Not hard to imagine my shriek of horror and pain. While my two brothers and sisters thought it hilarious, I found the vomiting disgusting and demeaning.

I’m just saying,

Mittster

The Eyes Have It

After writing my first novel, I started using the Internet to promote my book, while writing like a mad hatter to finish the sequel. I became involved with a Web site, Twitter and Facebook. I also starting having book signings anywhere I was welcome and a few places I wasn’t. I would even ask people in stores if they liked murder mysteries. If they did, I was on them like a cheap TV commercial. Much to my surprise, I even sold books at yard sales.

After three years of meeting other newbie authors in person and on the Web, I have come to the realization that we all have three things in common. The first and most important is passion. In my lifetime I have not met a more passionate group of people. It’s palatable in nature and almost like you could cut the passion with a knife. Each and every one of us could talk for hours about our work – not in an egotistical way, but in a passionate way. We absolutely love what we do!

The second is the look in our eyes. I have looked in the eyes of many authors and the result is always the same. There is a fire behind those eyes and they burn bright with intelligence, eagerness, awareness and (of course) passion. Sometimes it can be a little disconcerting because it’s like looking into a mirror and I wonder if my eyes look so intense. I have never been able to see in my eyes what I see in others, but friends have assured me that I have “the look.”

The third thing is universal craziness. Yes, we all must surely be nuts and close to certifiable. Any person who spends every waking moment of every day writing, promoting, facing rejection and ridicule along with praise from some and a stoning from others, must be crazy. With every positive come just as many negatives. Selling your books is like selling vacuum cleaners door to door. We know our work is very good because we put years into writing and promoting it, but that is never enough to become a “best seller.” Frustration is the mother of insanity and sometimes it’s enough to put us in a padded cell.

My hat is off to the hundreds of newbie writers who have the passion and internal fortitude to attempt to write a novel. The journey is fraught with danger, disappointment and rejection; but at the same time, it can be overwhelming with the pride of accomplishment that you have done something not many ever do in their lifetimes. You wrote and published a novel. It is even more exciting if you have written more than one.

What keeps me from the padded cell? I refuse to succumb until I finish my third novel. I keep procrastinating because once it is finished; my wife will surely have me locked away in the loony bin.

I’m just saying,

Mittster

Regrets?

The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it. - W. M. Lewis

This quote was posted by my friend Leslie Menninger on Facebook recently. She is always sharing wonderful quotes daily that instill the best feelings humans can experience. This particular quote struck a chord with me that I just can’t shake. When a subject, event or happening catches my eye and won’t let go, I must write a blog about it. It’s not that I have something monumental to add or that I am able to impart some new and exciting meaning to the quote’s substance. It only means that it struck a chord in my being and I was able to hear harmony in the music.

After reading the quote, I wanted to remember when my life really started. I spent the first fifty-two years of my life living on the edge of reason and sanity. I always wanted to be like someone else who appeared to have all the things I could not acquire. I was never satisfied with any one woman for very long. The amazing part was that these women were so much further along emotionally than me. What drew them toward me I will never understand? Please know that my intentions were always honorable…at least at first.

I did not start drinking until I was twenty-six and believe me I tried to make up for all the years I missed. Drugs were a part of the culture at the time and I tried them, but they never took the place of alcohol. I don’t blame my behavior on booze and drugs. I blame my behavior on the lack of character to walk away from the very things that were causing me to run and hide from reality. I do blame myself for hurting people who loved me and then turning my back to their pain. I now feel their pain more intensely than they ever could. That is my cross to bear, even to my grave.

One fine day in 1990, I came across a book by Dr. Steven Covey called “The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People.” Books, and the authors who write them, can be an incredibly positive experience to those who read them. As an author, my sole intent is to have somebody read my work and be captivated and unable to put the darn thing down even long enough to use the restroom. This is how Dr. Covey’s book affected me. Someone else could try and read the book and end up using it for TP. I lived and breathed his book until it was internalized and I started living the principals the book offered. That was the first day of my life.

Some might say I wasted fifty-two years, but that is not the reality of life. The reality is that even though those years, for the most part, were unproductive and sometimes destructive, all the roads I have taken were essential to the place and time I now live in. Had I varied one iota from my path, I would not be married to the most wonderful woman in the world and enjoying the most fulfilling life any person could ask for. The lesson for me is that even though I have deep regrets, I would not change even one moment of my life if offered this very second. This is the wonderful paradox of time and the reason we must always go forward into the future.

Yes, I started my life late, but every year after 1995 has been filled with excitement and wonderment at how beautiful a sober life can be. My existence is the most exciting high I have ever experienced!

Write on,

Mittster

Bad Habit # 333

I am really trying to not get up at three a.m. anymore. I finished my first two novels, Evil in the Mirror and Day Stalker, and the third one, The Phoenix Code, is on the shelf because I am now working as a consultant for a construction company from Hawaii.

Even though my passion is writing, it was time to refurbish the coffers until I retire yet again and pick up where I left off. My problem is that for two years while writing murder mysteries, I would get up no later than three a.m. and most times earlier. By two p.m. I would be ready to lie down for the day. Well, I can’t do that anymore – The Islands are three hours behind our time. When the team in Hawaii gets geared up for their day, I’m nodding off at my desk!




It’s a good thing I still enjoy working with spreadsheets and calculations or this gig could be the straw that broke the old camel’s back. The truth be known, working for this company is very exciting and I look forward to each day. I did mention to my wife that this will be my last hurrah, and then I will retire from construction for real. That comment was bull poop and I knew it…I will quit after they lay my worn-out carcass to rest.




I am grateful this opportunity came my way while we are suffering from the deepest worldwide recession I have ever seen, to say nothing of the natural disasters that have been plaguing the world right and left. Sometimes it is good to step back and be thankful for what we have, instead of worrying about what we think we should have. I am blessed with a fantastic family, a roof over our heads and food to eat. The rest is just icing on the cake.




In the meanwhile, I was again out of bed at exactly three a.m. with my wife’s parting word ringing in my head, “Idiot!”

She’s just saying,

Mittster

"Newbie Writing Club"

As I worked with my publisher on my first and second novels, it became more evident that the first time, wanna be writers will have a daunting task ahead. I look back at all the wasted time and money I spent trying to self-publish, print, store, distribute and build Websites for two small self-help books (thinking all along I could do it by myself) only to discover it was the wrong approach.




Let’s face it, I got caught up in the Internet hype…Let me show you how to make millions on the Internet! Beware my friends; it’s really just the start of a bad trip down Internet fantasy land. After two years of trial, error and frustration beyond belief, there are really only three simple answers that spell success. Research, research, and more research! I absolutely recommend starting in the public library unless you are very, very Internet savvy. It’s free, simple and won’t empty your wallet. Everything you can buy on line is free in the library! Yes, it is time consuming, but for the budget minded, a perfect solution. The problem with researching on line is that everything has a price tag unless you know where to look and knowing where to look also takes time and can cost a boatload of bucks and a computer full of viruses.




The big question is; can I self-publish my novel without spending money? The answer is basically, NO! The good news is that you can publish with a moderate budget. If you are thinking about using a POD (print on demand) publisher, research is so very important. I researched for many months looking for that perfect combination and finally found it with Wheatmark, Inc. based in Tucson, Arizona. While they were perfect for me, that does not mean they will be perfect for you. Remember; research, research and more research!




For those of you who are serious about writing that first book and joining the “newbie club,” don’t hesitate to e-mail me if you need help finding your way. The only time I charge for advice is if we are on Skype learning how to actually write that first novel. E-mail conversations are for free advice; sometimes I need help too and I don’t hesitate to ask my author friends for their advice via e-mails.




I can tell you one thing for sure. The excitement of seeing your first book on Amazon.com will blow your mind. In fact, so much so that you will need to sit down. Seeing the second book is even more exciting. I actually needed an attitude adjustment because my already large head turned into the Goodyear blimp! My wife deflated my head quickly by reminding me that now I needed to sell the books. Oh, I forgot about that….

I’m just saying,

Mittster

Natural Writing Talent

I really don't like the idiot's guide to this, that or the other thing. Not because it is demeaning and politically incorrect, but rather because it's too far to the left to describe me. Dolt fits me rather nicely. Although, I do have some pride; it's Mr. Dolt to you! Stay away from self-help books; they only help the pocket book of the authors. Your best bet is Google and the public library. Both are free, which is a good thing.

Since today's blog is about writing a novel, I will get on with it.

1. Screw what anyone has ever told you about writing. You can write and be a dolt at the same time. Most readers in the world are at the ninth grade level. This means your book does not need a genius writing it and in fact, less education can mean a great novel written from the heart and not the mind.

2. If I can write a novel, even Alfred E. Newman can write one.

3. Author newbies can't make any money writing. This is true, but in today's economy, you can't make any money anyway. At least you can be creative while eating peanut butter and jelly sammies.

4. There are no conventional publishers that will take on your book. This is also true, but you can sell gold jewelry and hire a POD (Publish on Demand) publisher. I personally recommend Wheatmark, Inc.

5. If you are passionate about your desire to write a book, the book will magically appear on Amazon.com. This is false, but if you work half as hard writing your book as you did trying to figuring out reasons why you can't write, it will appear on Amazon.com and your pride level will top out in the stratosphere.

6. Your book idea will be so good that other people will promote it. False again; you will be promoting your books until you leave the planet. Writing and promoting are your job, but not to worry, both are fun, especially when you sign your first book for your first customer!

7. How do you actually start writing a book? It's easy; write one word, then two, then a sentence. Sit back and read your first sentence. Write other sentences until you have a paragraph. Sit back and read your first paragraph. Keep writing until you have a chapter. Once you have a chapter, sit back and read it. If it excites you no end, keep writing. If you fall asleep, it's all over but the crying. You have just discovered you have no passion and you need to try finger painting. Don't be too worried about mistakes. Proofing and editing can be done by others. If you have no friends to help with fine tuning your book, sell some more gold jewelry. You’re going to need the money.

8. There is no way I can figure out how to copyright my book and all the other stuff I see in the pages of other books. Again, not to worry...the POD publisher will handle all the technical stuff. Great, one less reason for you to procrastinate; now get cracking writing your book!

9. When you run out of gold jewelry to sell, there is always your first born. Never give up or give in – there are worse ways not to earn a living.

10. Writing can be addictive; don't start unless you really like the high!

Write on,

Mittster

Author 101

I think most of us, at one time or another; have thought how great it would be to write a novel. I also think we have all tried our hand at writing poetry. What most of us haven’t done is get serious about writing.

Author Eri Nelson recently commented on Facebook that, “In my moments of shaken endeavors, I will rejoice in success of my resolve to try.” This statement exemplifies what being an author is really about. If you write because you are compelled to do so and you rejoice in the effort, that is enough compensation, because, usually, that will be all the compensation you ever get.

Do not write because you think you are going to be rich and famous. That concept is an illusion, and with some a delusion that can become an obsession causing metal problems. Write because at that moment in time you feel free, alive and excited about writing the next chapter and the next. Becoming one with your story is living the book as you write it. Even to the point when you know that the story must end, you want to continue. It is at this point you write the sequel.

For those of you who have always wanted to write, but were afraid of failure and/or ridicule, I say follow your passion and dreams. Find time in your busy life to start one sentence and keep going until you have a paragraph. The next thing you know is that you have written your first chapter. From that point forward you will be hooked and nothing will get in your way of becoming an author; not even yourself. Which, by the way, is the only real thing blocking your success.

I remember starting my first murder mystery with fear and much anxiety. What if this and what if that? Oh, my, how do I write the first sex scene? How do I describe the first murder? How do I make it believable? When the time came to describe these topics, I was surprised to discover that every movie, TV show and written article I had ever seen came to mind, and I was able to write every juicy detail with vigor and take the reader to places they really didn’t want to go.

“Mitt, you are one sick puppy,” was what I heard from many readers who were unable to stop reading until the book was finished. I may be a sick puppy, but the readers reveled in my sickness. Like my wonderful wife explained to her elderly mother after she called while reading Evil in the Mirror; “Mom, it’s called imagination. I am perfectly safe with my author husband!”

Thank you, Mum, for being concerned about your daughter’s safety. You are my best critic.

Write on,

Mittster

My Two Cents

We all have opinions. The problem is that unless two or more people have the same opinion, the single opinion isn’t worth squat. The end result is that most opinions are worthless and alone in the dark. I propose we abandon opinions in favor of options. Here is a list of options I propose in lieu of single opinions from opinionated people who are always in the dark.




Option one: All politicians are to be given trials, found guilty of high treason against the American people and rode out of town on a rail after being tarred and feathered. Synthetic tar and feathers are acceptable.




Option two: Media moguls are also to be given trials, found guilty of high treason against the American people and forced to sit for eight hours a day and read the biased crap they print. Afterward, they too are to be tarred and feathered and rode out of town on a rail.




Option three: All reporters are to be given trials, found guilty of high treason against the American people and have their mouths washed out with lye (pun intended) soap. Then they also will ride the rail.




Option four: Leftwing Hollywood celebs who think we could and should stop using fossil fuel this very instant will also stand trial and be found guilty of intellectual treason. The punishment will be that each one will dive headfirst into the La Brea Tar Pits and be rescued in about 10,000 years.




Option five: Publishers who never, and I mean never, crack open a manuscript from an unknown author no matter how many years the author toiled to produce it, shall be judged by all the newbie authors in the country and after judgment, the penalty will be up to the authors. May I suggest that every publisher be made to read said manuscripts even into the next life? After that, they are all yours – providing you meet up with them in the next life.




Option six: You can disregard these options altogether and opt for a good book and a cup of tea. That’s exactly what I am going to do now myself.

Write on,

Mittster

The Ten Commandments for Newbie Authors

1. Don’t take yourself too seriously.

2. Don’t quit your day job.

3. Buy a suit of armor, you will need it.

4. If you don’t think your book is superb, throw it in the trash.

5. Write because you are compelled, not because you think you see profit.

6. Write with passion or don’t write at all.

7. When in doubt, Google it.

8. If you are anti-social, stay with your day job.

9. If you are not computer literate, make sure your editor and proofer are.

10. Never stop promoting your work.

Even though I am still a newbie author after two books self-published, I have no regrets. The thrill of writing two murder mysteries lingers in my senses like the taste of fine wine. I am intoxicated with the feeling of accomplishment and proud that I indeed finished what I started albeit unknown to the world.





If you are compelled to write, then indeed start that first paragraph. The rest will come and you could create a best seller. You won’t know if you don’t go! Best wishes….

Write on,

Mittster

KFC Exposed

Ever wonder how KFC gets their chicken breasts to taste so good? They would have us believe that it is done with special spices and herbs, but this picture clearly shows a different recipe. The baby chicks are being raise on the breasts of a pretty young woman, and while the incubator’s name will remain anonymous, it is obvious she enjoys her work.

If you stop and think about the millions of KFC chicken breasts that are consumed daily in America, let alone the rest of the world, it becomes obvious that there are also millions of young women’s breasts being used to satisfy corporate greed.

This waste of an American resource must be stopped. If God had intended women’s breasts were to be used as chicken coops, he would have not invented men. The practice of using women’s breasts to raise baby chicks is against the laws of God, nature and man. I believe there should be a Congressional investigation and that Congressman Anthony Weiner should officiate, after all, he is an expert on the human anatomy.

The next thing we could find out is that piglets are being raised on the buttocks of young men, although it would kill two birds with one stone. We could raise pork chops and male chauvinist pigs at the same time, thus saving natural resources in the process.

I’m just saying,

Mittster

The Road Less Traveled

Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune. – Jim Rohn.

Right and I am a self-made millionaire – wrong! I like the sound of Mr. Rohn’s statement though because it gives validity to me wasting my high school years on party, pleasure and hot rods instead of buckling down and learning something of value. I am sure there are some self-made gazillionaires out there who don’t even have a high school education, but they are far and few between like lottery winners. As my mother-in-law says about me playing the lotto, “How’s that working out for you?” Sometimes she really pisses me off! Unfortunately, she is right as rain and it isn’t working out worth a poop.

When my mother reached thirty she said the hell with working as a construction secretary for our stepfather for the rest of her life. At the time she didn’t even have a high school education, but that was about to change. She went on after getting her GED to receive a Bachelor of Science degree and then a Master’s in music education and ended up teaching in the same junior high school she had graduated from years before.

I was so proud of her, but I was making a ton of money in construction and just knew I would be a successful contractor someday. What I didn’t know was that being successful also meant being responsible for my actions. I worked hard and drank hard. When I wasn’t working I was spending all my money on partying and not worrying about tomorrow, let alone next week. This was not the formula to the success I envisioned.

It wasn’t until I reached forty that I started realizing that had I put the money wasted on booze into an interest bearing account I could have retired to Hawaii. Instead, I just helped make bar owners wealthy and me poor. It was at this time I also said the hell with working my butt off swinging a hammer and started to learn the things that could and would make me a project manager and get me out of the field and into more money using my brain and not my back.

Over twenty years later I have managed some success. I became a project manager, consultant and published author, but not without great effort and many disappointments. One thing stands out more than any other. The whole process would have been so much easier had I learned study habits way back in high school. Our minds are so much more receptive to leaning when the brain cells are young and not permeated with beer and tobacco.

Success is not equated to money only. Success is being able to take responsibility for your own life and look in the mirror when you want to blame others for failure. Success means surrounding yourself with capable men and women who want to be there because of mutual respect and admiration. Success means giving credit to co-workers knowing that the praise will come back full circle. Success also means caring about others, especially your loved ones and family.

No, I’m not a millionaire, but I am rich beyond my wildest dreams. I have the perfect life and life’s partner. I am blessed each and every day with all my needs and desires fulfilled. Would I do it all over again knowing what I know now? No, I probably would just screw up at a different level. What I would do though is get that formal education that is available to every American. Sometimes the road less traveled can be the easiest one.

Write on,

Mittster

If Discouragement Were Money

If being discouraged were money, I could have retired years ago. That is to say, it is very discouraging being an unknown author after working hard for two years and finding my murder mystery, Evil in the Mirror, 1,300,000 from being number one on Amazon. If that statistic doesn’t discourage you, nothing will.

Well, stand back, World, because I will not be discouraged or otherwise beat up by numbers. I knew going in that the process would take five years at the least. I still have three to go before discouragement can set in and not even then will I let it happen!

It’s OK to have a moment of discouragement occasionally, but then it needs to be replaced immediately with positive energy and perseverance. I am the “terminator” of authors. I will never stop, waver or quit. I write; that is what I do, that is all I do, and nothing can stop me. When I die, my laptop is going with me….

This message of encouragement is not just for me, it is also for every newbie author out there, but especially for my friend Candace Bowser, who I know gets tired and discouraged. We are all in this together, my friend, and I say, “Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get on with being an author!”

Actually, 1,300,000 isn’t all that bad when you consider how many books are published every year worldwide. Wait a minute, hold on; I just brought up Amazon on my laptop. Holy smokers, my book just went to 1,298,000. Life is good!

Write on,

Mittster

Naturalist Attire

While participating in the Oasis Book Store Author’s Festival, I noticed Paul Winer had the same kind of covering he wears for sale in his store. They go for $10.00, and the spiders are optional.

No wonder he is so energetic while working the customers. I would too if I had spiders in my crotch!

I'm just saying,

Mittster

Dolt Book-Writing Course Continued

Click on the title of this blog for the best definition of a dolt that I have found to date. It sure fits me to a T. Let us continue down the road of publishing your first novel. The road can be rocky and uphill, but once you gain confidence, it begins to be level and paved.

O. How do I find a publisher? This is the million dollar question that keeps most newbie writers from finishing their book project. The truth is that this question is the easiest to answer. You are not going to find a traditional publisher unless you have really high-up-the-ladder connections. If you had these connections, you wouldn't be reading this blog in the first place. This leaves a POD (publish on demand) publisher, or you become a self-published author. The latter is reserved for brains who can do all the technical stuff and don't mind having a garage full of books to sell. I prefer to use a POD. You don't have to deal with a garage full of books, copyrights, legal stuff (disclaimers), and technical issues because they are taken care of by the POD publisher.

P. Can I get my book published for free? No, you cannot. If you think you can, you have been listening to someone who is below dolt level. Somewhere around idiot, I should think. There is nothing for free in this world, but with research and commonsense, you can minimize the costs associated with publishing your book. The main thing is that it can be done, so quit worrying and finish your book project!

Q. How can I get my book on Amazon and Barnes & Noble? Once your book is published by a POD publisher, they will put your book on just about every virtual book store on the planet. Sit back and relax. It won't take long and you will be able to see your book cover, grabber, bio and price on line. That is an exciting day for sure!

R. Will my POD publisher promote my book? No, unless your name is Stephen King, which it isn't. You will be responsible for promoting your book. If you had the commitment to write the darn thing in the first place, you surely will have the commitment to promote it.

S. How long will it take me to become a best-selling author? Now that is a difficult question. If I quoted the daunting statistics concerning newbie authors, we all would be selling shoes for a living. This is where your passion and commitment comes in to play. Without great passion for your work, you will be buried in the negative press about how many books get published every year vs. how many authors are successful. Of course, it also depends on your definition of success. Seeing your book in print should be your first goal and a lofty goal it is. How many people do you know personally that are published authors? I only know one, and that is me. I find comfort in that statistic. Screw all the others.

End of series for now.

Write on,

Mittster

Dolt Book-Writing Course Continued

So, let's continue with getting you to start writing a novel. Remember, the mountain you are contemplating climbing is only as high as you make it. The first day I started writing Evil in the Mirror, I could have sworn I was climbing Everest, but it turned out to only be a mole hill.

I. How can I remember all the names, places and events in my book? That's an easy one. Set up a storyboard using a spreadsheet. I place all the characters, chapters, page numbers and events in the spreadsheet as I am writing the book. I can review it at any time and believe me, I review it constantly.

J. Research is way too hard. Not! Today's writers have the world at their fingertips. It's called the Internet. I use Google to find anything and everything! Do what I did; my first book is centered in 1968 Tucson, Arizona. No cell phones, personal computers or high-tech to deal with. I was born in Tucson, which made research that much easier. Working smart does not mean you're lazy. Make your first book easy! I like fiction personally. My books can be anything I want them to be.

K. Where do I get an idea for a book? Fire up your computer and Google any subject you can think of. Past experiences and people you have met give you a base to start from. Our heads are full of experiences that can be used for a book. So you have to tweak them a little or a lot, who cares? People who know me can't believe the horrible murders I have come up with. They think I should be in prison or on death row. Truth? I just used past experiences for settings and characters, and the killings were embelished from what I had seen on TV, the movies, and read in books. Use your imagination; that's what it's there for.

L. I'm not educated enough to write a book. Give me a break, I barely graduated from high school. All I have is a P.h.D in the school of hard knocks, but during that process, I taught myself how to touch-type and read everything I could get my hands on. I'm glad my education is from the streets. Have you ever tried to read something written by an over-educated twit? Boring!

M. I can't imagine spending years writing a book. Me either. The actual writing of Evil in the Mirror took three months and Day Stalker four months. I guess I slacked off on Day Stalker.

N. How many words should my book have? For fiction, the minimum is 60,000 and the maximum is 100,000. Historical novels go on, and on, and on.... I personally don't like long, drawn out books. When the story is over, it's over. Don't beat a dead horse.

To be continued....

Write on,

Mittster

Dolt Book-Writing Course

I really don't like the idiot's guide to this or that. Not because it is demeaning and politically incorrect, but rather because it's too far to the left to describe me. Dolt fits me rather nicely. Although, I do have some pride; it's Mr. Dolt to you!

Since today's blog is a book-writing course, I will get on with it.

A. Screw what anyone has ever told you about writing. You can write and be a dolt at the same time.

B. If I can write a novel, even Alfred E. Newman can write one.

C. Author newbies can't make any money writing. This is true, but in today's economy, you can't make any money anyway. At least you can be creative while eating peanut butter and jelly sammies.

D. There are no conventional publishers that will take on your book. This is also true, but you can sell what gold jewelery you have left and hire a POD (Publish on Demand) publisher.

E. If you are passionate about your desire to write a book, the book will magically appear on Amazon.com. This is false, but if you work half as hard writing your book as you did trying to figuring out reasons why you can't write, it will appear on Amazon.com and your pride level will top out in the stratosphere.

F. Your book idea will be so good that other people will promote it. False again; you will be promoting your books until you leave the planet. Writing and promoting are your job, but not to worry, both are fun, especailly when you sign your first book for your first customer!

G. How do I actually start writing a book? It's easy; write one word, then two, then a sentence. Sit back and read your first sentence. Write other sentences until you have a paragraph. Sit back and read your first paragraph. Keep writing until you have a chapter. Once you have a chapter, sit back and read it. If it excites you no end, keep writing. If you fall asleep, it's all over but the crying. You have just discovered you have no passion and you need to try finger painting. Don't be too worried about mistakes. Proofing and editing can be done by others. If you have no friends to help with fine tuning your book, sell some more gold jewelery. Your going to need the money.

H. There is no way I can figure out how to copyright my book and all the other stuff I see in the pages of other books. Again, not to worry...the POD publisher will handle all the technical stuff. Great, one less reason for you to procrastinate.

I. To be continued...

Write on,

Mittster

Black Friday Mayhem

Hey, newbie authors, why become a blogger? Because it gives you writing practice and helps you acquire name recognition, that's why. Sometimes it's a challenge to keep my blog current, but in the final analysis, the practice keeps me mentally sharp. In Dr. Steven Covey's book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, he refers to mental and physical exercise as Sharpening the Saw. Mental and physical exercising go hand in hand with helping you stay sharp and alive. In short, staying healthy gives you an edge and having an edge in this business really means something!

Now what in the hell does this have to do with Black Friday? Well, while sitting in my office early Friday morning, I was wondering what my Saturday blog would be about. It seemed natural to write about Friday's nationwide buying (feeding) frenzy. I didn't want to wait until this morning to write the whole blog, so I got a head start. Basically, I will copy and paste a nasty picture of Black Friday early and then post this blog.

The real purpose of this blog is to try and help newbies seriously think about blogging. The purpose of the blog title and picture is to draw you in. It's just like a grabber to publicize a book. "Oh, look, honey, here is a blog and disgusting picture about Black Friday!" OK, now you are hooked into reading the blog! I'm not sure what it is about the human mind that draws us toward mayhem, but why not use human nature to get people to read your stuff? Why not, indeed....

Trickery, you say. I say, not! I'm just using every tool available in the quest to become a known author. If you want to stop being a newbie author, you better learn to use any and all tools at your disposal too.

I'm just saying,

Mittster

Chapel of the Holy Cross

There seems to be some confusion concerning the ending of my murder mystery novel, Evil in the Mirror.

While using the Chapel of the Holy Cross as a murder scene might be in bad taste, I meant no sacrilege toward the Catholic Church or its parishioners. You must admit, a more dramatic location would be hard to find.

The Atomic Christus inside the church that was used by one of the evil twins was not a figment of my warped imagination, folks. It was real! The urban legend about its removal and disposal is also true, inasmuch as the crucifix was removed and disappeared forever.

I saw the very controversial crucifix the first time when I was nineteen years old in 1962. The second time I viewed it was in 1973. It made a strong impression on me to say the least. Who could have guessed it would come alive again in my first novel.

As with all works of fiction, sometimes the line between what is real and unreal is blurred. Arizona was the perfect place for my novel to take place. The scenery is dramatic, as is its old west heritage. It's still a territory out there in some places and especially in 1968.

One more point; please don't forget that the book is fiction and don't shoot the messenger!

Write on,

Mittster

Small Town USA

I took this picture from our front porch a few years ago and it is a constant reminder of how lucky we are to live in Camp Verde, Arizona, the oldest settlement in the Verde Valley. It is the perfect place to write novels, enjoy our four dogs, evil parrot, and spend time with my wonderful wife.

It seems ironic to me that my identical twin brother and I were raised in a very small town in southern California, but in adulthood we migrated to large cities like Tucson and Phoenix, Arizona. I spent many years in the Los Angeles basin working construction with long commutes. Traffic, crime, smog and congestion were the norms. My brother now lives in Tucson and I visit occasionally so I can rush back to Camp Verde and thank God that this is where I live.

The moral of the story? Well, If you already live in Small Town USA, be thankful. If you live in the big city and like it, good for you. But, if you live in Big Town USA and hate it....I know a great place to live!

I'm just saying,

Mittster

Book Signing Party!

We had a very successful book signing at The Worm Book Store, Sedona, Arizona, July 3. The weather was great and we had fun in the sun selling books and getting to know total strangers. Some friends dropped by too, including, Mark Morris, from The Phil W. Morris Company. I had worked for Mark, and his dad, Phil, for ten years and I feel they were the best company I worked for in my 48' year construction career before becoming an author.

My daughter, Nissa, was on hand to buy a book. I know....she shouldn't have to pay, but she is so independent!

Julie Spector and some of her Harley riding buddies were on hand from Phoenix. It was great to see riders from the Valley of the Sun.

Phil Barbara, Maintenance Supervisor for the Bell Rock Inn, dropped by on his Harley. He already had purchased a book, but wanted to tease me because he knew I couldn't ride. What a friend....

Volunteers from Connections Equine Therapy Program showed up to buy signed books and receive a couple of free e-Books I published last year. It doesn't hurt to have an edge.

Pat Williams, a carpenter friend for years, arrived for a signed book and freebies. I kidded him by saying, "I didn't know dirt bag carpenters knew how to read?" He reminded me that I was also a carpenter by trade. Touche!

My wife and I (pictured with matching Evil in the Mirror T-shirts) want to thank our host, The Worm Book Store, for a great location. We left feeling good about the signing and headed home to Camp Verde and a late lunch celebration at Crusty's Pizza.

Write on,

Mittster