The Proof is in the Pudding

My author friend Eri Nelson once told me that she must strive for perfection in her writing. My reply to her was simple. “Strive for perfection and I guarantee you will turn into a blubbering idiot before you become a senior!” At one time, I too thought perfection should be the goal of any novel writer worth their salt. As it turned out, both of us were dead wrong.

I will always remember when I received my author copies of my first murder mystery novel, Evil in the Mirror. I was excited beyond belief and couldn’t wait to give copies to my family and close friends. After receiving glowing reviews and feeling on top of the world, I received a great review from a friend that also included the revelation that I had an obvious mistake in the book. One of my murdered detectives showed up again in a later chapter. I had inadvertently given the lead detective the wrong name. I called my publisher yelling, “Oh, my God, hold the presses, stop everything; there is a mistake!” I was mortified to say the least, and my Wheatmark representative Kat Gautreaux was mildly amused at the obvious tailspin I was in.

Kat softly said, “Mittster, nothing is perfect in the universe and we live in an imperfect world. Our goal as human beings should be excellence, not perfection. Not to worry, later down the road when we insert reviews, we will take care of the oversight.” With that being said, I reluctantly hung up the phone and headed for my wife in the next room for aid and comfort. My writer’s ego had taken a direct cannonball hit and was shattered beyond repair.

As I worked hard to complete my second novel, Day Stalker, my wife would interrupt me every time she found a mistake in a book she was reading. Being an avid reader of murder mysteries by bestselling authors, my wife interrupted me often and I was amazed at all the mistakes being made by known authors. After a few months of interruptions, I finally got it – we all make mistakes, including people who proof books for a living! I was able to finish my second novel without fear of failure; after all, it’s the storyline that really counts. Write an excellent book and people will read it regardless of typos and clerical errors. Write a stinker and no one will see any errors because they will have already slated the book for a yard sale without reading it.

The moral of this story is that we write because we are compelled to do so. We make mistakes because we are human.

I’m just saying,

Mittster

Killer Books

I present Evil in the Mirror and Day Stalker to you with pride and amazement. The amazement part is because they are my first novels written after a full career in an unrelated field. Sometimes humorous, but most times not, my novels are honest pathways into the minds of serial killers, rapists and perverts. Surely, I must be all those things to be able to write the murder mysteries that gush out of my brain. After all, most say, “You are one sick puppy, Mittster.” To those people who say it and/or think it because they are too polite to say it, I say, “Thank you very much – that’s the nicest thing that has been said to me this year.”

I tire of trying to explain that my books are fiction, it’s simply imagination, and don’t shoot the messenger. Murder mystery readers are, for the most part, sick puppies in their own right. It’s nice to know I am not alone. I too like a good “who done it”; after all, reading is how I became a writer in the first place. I just wanted to write something different that was also a page turner and thought provoking. If the reviews are any indication, I have done just that. I say these things about myself mainly because if I don’t, no one else will. Tooting your own horn works well in the author business because ego is part of the engine that drives the writing machine.

We writers are constantly trying to gain approval from our reading public. To my fellow sickoids who have read my books and responded with knee-jerk reactions, whether good or bad – I thank you. I also thank the folks who read my blogs and seem to want more. Perhaps someday I will rise to the status of “Best Seller,” but in the meantime, if you have any friends in the mental health field, you might ask them to read my books. I am sure they will gain physiological insight and wonder why in the hell I am not on death row in San Quentin Prison. Sometimes, I wonder the same thing....

Write on,

Mittster

Recession Be Gone!

OK, enough is enough already.... I have consulted a Voodoo priest from Haiti and together we have put a hex on the recession. Don’t scoff at my approach; no one from our country seems to have the answer. The Democrats, Republicans and all in between seem to know only rhetoric, confrontation, lying, and infighting.

Here is my approach; voodoo dolls have been made to resemble each and every politician on Capitol Hill, along with a needle for each. When a politician starts to argue, “wham” we stick them with the needle in their groin! When a politician starts to lie, “wham” we stick them again! You get the picture and even though this technique is grim, extraordinary measures are needed in extraordinary times.

The Voodoo priest has assured me that no permanent damage will occur. This form of condition training is needed due to the length of time the politicians have been participating in duping the citizens of America. One can imagine that even with the thought of a lie, the groin reflex will stop the lie dead in the mouth of the perpetrator!

It won’t take very long and the politicians will finally get it. We all live in the same country and only by working together can we solve our current dilemma. Who knows, perhaps we could start on all the other problems that face our planet? Sometimes it takes a "boot" in the lower extremities to get us started.

I’m just saying,

Mittster

Addicted to Blogs

"Help me, help me, somebody help me," said the half human, half fly, to the spider. For those of you that have seen the original movie, The Fly, perhaps you can understand my addiction to blogging. Brother, I need help to keep from getting consumed by the nasty blogger spider.

When I get up at three a.m. in the morning, all I can think about is reading my e-mails, while savoring the thought of going to Blogspot.com. It’s the chocolate of computer land; more, more, I want more. The blogging monkey is on my back a rockin' and a rollin'. Sweet Chuck Berry, I am feeling good while making rim shots with my computer keys!

I tell myself that blogging is necessary to keep in shape for writing novels. “Write everyday, Mittster, it keep the juices flowing.” The problem is that I am spending less time writing murder mysteries and way too much time blogging. As a matter of fact, I have written so many blogs that they constitute a novel in their own right.

Wait, hold the presses – I have an idea; why not compile all the blogs into a book? What a concept; all along I have been writing another book and didn’t even realize it. “There, Mittster, I told you that blogging was the way to go,” said the spider in my brain. “Bon appétit," I say back to the spider.

Write on,

Mittster

Retirement

I finally figured out what retirement is really about. You see when I was a young stud construction worker, not married, no kids, no responsibilities, and lots of cash, I thought life was so good. But, I started to feel guilty about multiple girlfriends, having fun, wild nights and not being in debt. My mother, God rest her soul, was constantly nagging at me to settle down and get married. My life was one Seinfeld show after another.

One day, in my infinite wisdom, I decided to follow my mother’s advice. There was no way for me to know that misery loves company and that married couples were all envious of single people and wanted singles to share in their misery. That’s why mothers and married folks are always nagging at singles to get married.

Well, I got married and joined the “happily married set.” Now, I’m not putting down marriage; my wife is the best in the west! What I wasn’t prepared for was going into debt because of children and many other responsibilities. So started my construction career with one goal in sight - work for forty some odd years, retire, and then do all the things I couldn’t do before because we couldn’t afford the expense. Of course, my wife had a more realistic vision of retirement. I know now why she didn’t share her views with me.

During my career, I was always envious of people with motor homes. Man, that was the way to travel while towing your car behind for transpo when you got to your destination. While we both still worked, we got that motor home and soon learned it was a money pit. I didn’t know they only got ten miles per gallon and that an oil change cost two hundred bucks! The older I got the more I realized it was really hard work just packing and unpacking the beast. After ten years and four motor homes later, you can find it permanently parked in Quartzsite, Arizona. We can’t sell it or afford to drive it, so it has become a winter home away from home - exactly what we like at this point!

All the things I thought I wanted to do in retirement were only realistic for a younger man. Hang gliding? Not!…surfing? Not!…scuba? Not!…Harleys forever? Not!…marathon? Hell not!…etc, etc, etc….I find myself wanting to spend quiet time with my wife and pets, or walking and riding our bikes. I like shopping to save money with coupons. Who would have ever thought that could be fun? The real fun things do not cost a lot of money. The studley Mittster is gone forever and a more gentle, caring and thoughtful person has surfaced. I like this person and what I see in the mirror. For the first time in my life, I see the real me. Getting older is like fine wine and I like the taste.


There is still some fire left in the old engine occasionally, and I can say with conviction, if you don’t like what you see, don’t look. The best part is that the youngsters who think older folks are worthless are heading to our place in time like a runaway freight train!

I’m just saying,

Mittster

If Discouragement Were Money

If being discouraged were money, I could have retired years ago. That is to say, it is very discouraging being an unknown author after working hard for two years and finding my murder mystery, Evil in the Mirror, 1,300,000 from being number one on Amazon. If that statistic doesn’t discourage you, nothing will.

Well, stand back, World, because I will not be discouraged or otherwise beat up by numbers. I knew going in that the process would take five years at the least. I still have three to go before discouragement can set in and not even then will I let it happen!

It’s OK to have a moment of discouragement occasionally, but then it needs to be replaced immediately with positive energy and perseverance. I am the “terminator” of authors. I will never stop, waver or quit. I write; that is what I do, that is all I do, and nothing can stop me. When I die, my laptop is going with me….

This message of encouragement is not just for me, it is also for every newbie author out there, but especially for my friend Candace Bowser, who I know gets tired and discouraged. We are all in this together, my friend, and I say, “Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get on with being an author!”

Actually, 1,300,000 isn’t all that bad when you consider how many books are published every year worldwide. Wait a minute, hold on; I just brought up Amazon on my laptop. Holy smokers, my book just went to 1,298,000. Life is good!

Write on,

Mittster

Love Life!

Yesterday was an excellent day. My wife, Sandy, and I met Leslie and Hoppy Menninger at Harry’s Hideaway Restaurant in Cornville, Arizona. We were celebrating the release of my newest murder mystery, Day Stalker, and we wanted to present Leslie a signed copy of the book. She had worked hard to make the book presentable for publication and we wanted to show our appreciation.

While we were sitting at our table waiting for our friends, my wife moved closer and whispered how much she loved me. A simple thing but monumental to me; it’s the spontaneous things in life that are exciting. I don’t think there is anything more wonderful than knowing someone loves you with all their heart. There is no doubt that Sandy loves me that way. She would have to, because my faults are many and she is a saint compared to me. I thank God up above for leading me to the most wonderful woman in the universe. February 21 will mark our sixteenth year of marriage and what a wonderful sixteen years they have been!

We had a fabulous lunch while joking with each other and laughing between mouthfuls of scrumptious food. It was obvious that dessert would be the straw that broke the camel’s back, but we didn’t care and dove into the sweet stuff with forks and enthusiasm. By the time we left the restaurant, the four of us were stuffed beyond hope and headed for our respective homes for TV and naps. Of course, my wife finished up the laundry while I dosed watching TV. That’s just the kind of person she is….

Yes, life is good, even in hard times and an uncertain world. I plan to turn every day into a microcosm of events that make my life last for an eternity every twenty-four hours, while not worrying about the end of life. The end will be a complete surprise and I will have the last laugh.

Write on,

Mittster

Stop The Presses!

To help get the message out concerning my Tucson, Arizona, book signing of Day Stalker, February 12, at Hangover’s bar & grill at 22nd and Alvernon, I sent the Tucson Daily Citizen newspaper a press release. I was forced to e-mail the release to the person in charge of entertainment because there was no longer a specific address for press releases. The chances of it being printed are slim indeed.

I used to be able to send information concerning special events to any newspaper in the state and they would print a blurb. It seems that the industry is changing rapidly. No more free stuff – I suspect the economy and electronic media are the culprits. Soon you will be only reading the paper on a Kindle device or cell phones. What are we going to use for the bottom of our evil Meyer's parrot cage?

Like everything else; either keep up or drop out. I finally went online and put both murder mysteries in a Kindle format so folks could download and enjoy Evil in the Mirror and Day Stalker. We live in an electronic world and I am thankful that early on I stayed with the trend. Of course the young people are light-years ahead of me, but they are all headlong into video games, while I am trying to sell books to my peers. No competition there….

One thing does bother me; with my Website, blog, Twitter, Facebook and promotions, I have little time to write! There is a consolation prize though – every other author is dealing with the same dilemma. The author with the most electronic selling schemes wins the most fans!

Personally, I like tailgate selling. Everywhere I shop you can hear me asking the big question to anyone near me; “Do you like murder mysteries?” The majority either like them or know someone who does. I pass out business cards and many times sell books right on the spot. The best part is that everyone wants a signed book by a local author and they are willing to pay retail for the “autograph.” Little do they know the pleasure is all mine and I really hope they enjoy my books.

Write on,


Mittster

He Who Laughs First

He who laughs first gets laughed at last. Yes, I was making fun of all the people stuck up to their mud flaps in snow in the rest of the country while Arizona was basking in the warm sun. How was I to know we were headed for record-breaking cold throughout the state?

The problem of making fun of someone is that it always comes back to haunt you. Oh, well, at least my cockiness gave rise to some humor for a whole bunch of people who have little to laugh about. My only redemption is that I lived in Michigan for nine years and had a taste of -30 degrees and a boatload of snow.

I have an idea; why doesn’t everyone from the Midwest move to Arizona? Our state would be much warmer by the time you get here, and we could sell you some of the thousands of surplus and foreclosed homes that dot our landscape. You could be part of another construction boom!

Trust me; you will get used to cactus, scorpions, rattlesnakes, Gila monsters, and 118 degree heat. Besides, it really is a dry heat.... Did I ever tell you never trust a man who says “trust me”?

Write on,

Mittster