Twenty Dollars

"On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter.





In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.




Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.




Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.




She explained that for more than three decades she had 'charged' him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
'If I'd had any idea what you were doing,
I would have given you all my business!'

That's when she shot him.




You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut

Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to, and touched often. But, push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected!"

It figures,

Mittster

My Next Life

“I want to live my next life backwards! You start out dead and get that out of the way right off the bat. Then, you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.

When you are kicked out of the home for being too healthy, you spend several years enjoying your retirement and collecting benefit checks.

When you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years or so, getting younger every day until pretty soon you're too young to work.

So then, you go to high school: play sports, date, drink, and party. As you get even younger, you become a kid again. You go to elementary school, play, and have no responsibilities.

In a few years, you become a baby and everyone runs themselves ragged keeping you happy. You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, spa-like conditions: central heating, room service on tap. Until finally...You finish off as an orgasm!”

I rest my case,

Mittster

Eat this!

I have a friend in the UP of Michigan who is really, I mean really, afraid of zombies. Well, I am here to tell her that zombies are not real. They have never been real nor will they ever be real.


On the other hand, cannibals are real, and the history books are crammed full of historical facts proving the validity of cannibalism even up to and including modern time. There are cannibal clubs in America in which the members really eat human flesh! The pictures are so gross I could not show them here.


The American population is at great risk from modern cannibals. They stalk us during the night and the unlucky ones disappear without a trace. Bones are much easier to hide than a whole body. There is no escape, no compassion, no returning from the curse of the cannibals.


There, now don't you feel better. I have cured your zombie phobia forever! What are friends for?


Write on,


Mittster