Just Like Me

What a twin ride it has been, with my brother and I running down the road of life at break neck speed, stopping only rarely to smell the roses. We started life kicking and screaming, and I am sure that is how it will end someday, our bodies bruised and broken, but our spirits high and wild as we run headlong into the next world.

I don’t think anyone can really understand the bond between identical twins. It’s called mirror image twinship; everything is the same, but opposite. It is like looking into a mirror while holding a book. The image and book are identical, but the writing is backward and unreadable. So it is with identical twins. One is doing well in life, while the other is struggling and lost. The one doing well tries to help the down and out twin by mirroring the behavior causing the problem. Once the good twin starts acting badly, the bad twin starts behaving again and climbs back up the ladder of success, while the other struggles to find their way back to whence he or she came.

It is indeed strange behavior, but I am convinced it is caused by the constant struggle to find one’s own identity. It’s not always easy being two people with one identity going in two different directions at the same time. This explains why when we were growing up, one would be on top the world while the other would be buried beneath and always in turmoil. We switched roles back and forth until adulthood, at which time we were able to live separate lives in different locations.

We have really never been apart intuitively or mentally. The connection is much deeper than husband and wife love, parent and child love, family love or any other kind of love. Identical twins are hardwired together and the wire stretches around the world. The wire cannot be cut by anyone, including the twins themselves. Even death cannot break the bond, because the mirror image lives inside both. I suspect the invisible bond lasts for eternity.

Would I change my twin life if I could? Not on your life – the journey has been fantastic and the best is yet to come. Our relationship has matured right alone with us, and I look forward to riding the wave until it fades into the beach and we lay on the hot, white sand, looking up into the heavens, thankful that we are still together as identical twins.

Write on,

Mittster

Peanut Butter

No pun intended, but Salmonella in my Skippy’s creamy, low fat, peanut butter? I just stuffed down three peanut butter sandwiches and a quart of milk, for God’s sake. What am I supposed to do now, just sit here and wait for the explosion? I have been eating Skippy’s for as long as I can remember and this crap has never happened before. (Sorry, there I go again with the puns.)

Up until the TV news and e-mail warning, I thought Salmonella was a country in Asia. What a surprise it was to learn the truth, it kind of took the edge off my Sunday afternoon snack time. I can assure you peanut butter is off the menu forever, or at least until the craving overtakes me again.

Hold on, wait a minute…my stomach is starting to rumble. Oh, God, please don’t let me get sick. Now I am getting nauseated, my vision is blurring, and my equilibrium is going fast. I need to lie down and try to ride this out. What is that ringing in my ears? It’s getting louder and louder. Hello, it’s my alarm clock and it says it’s Monday morning and time to get up for work. Holy smoley, what a horrible nightmare – first thing this morning, I am throwing away the four jars of unopened peanut butter sitting on the counter where I left them Sunday morning!

I’m just saying,

Mittster

No Real Republican Front Runner?

I beg the difference with the political poles; Sarah is my front runner hands down! It's about time we had someone sexy and crazy in the white house. Lord knows we have had everyone else from A to Z, and their only claim to fame is that they were all just crazy. It's time for someone with a fabulous mouth to talk with, and an equally fabulous body to persuade with, occupy the White House. Even Ben Laden would surrender to put a lip lock on Sarah Palin. How else could he stop her incessant chattering? Don't answer that!

Let the insanity continue with a twist of sexual persuasiveness added in for good measure. One thing is for sure, middle America will continue to be squeezed out of the process until we become just a faint memory. Let’s hire Sarah and at least have a little fun on the way out….

I’m just saying,

Mittster

Miltary Justice

I should stop using the term “Get a rope” when I get upset with others who are just practicing their constitutional right of free speech. There are two sides to every coin, and listening to someone else’s prospective on life is just as important as expounding on mine own.

Of course, there are a few exceptions to the free speech concept. This is where the word civilized comes in to play. Is it OK to speak out against the country that provides you with constitutional rights protecting your free speech, like Jane Fonda did in Vietnam, even though it caused more torture and deaths of American prisoners of war? Her actions were despicable and certainly uncivilized, but she was not prosecuted because of her civil constitutional right of free speech. One consolation is that millions of service men and women hate her guts to this very day. I say, “Get a rope!” Oh, crap, my bad – I promised not to use my right of free speech in this case because it is uncivilized.

What about the WikiLeaks and U.S. Army Private Bradley Manning’s case? Let’s agree to at least one point. Private Bradley Manning swore an oath to perform his duties to his country as per the military code of ethics. I can assure you the ethics do not include leaking information of any kind to the media and especially in time of war. Is Private Manning entitled to free speech as spelled out in the Constitution? I think not. His military oath precludes everything, especially free speech. Loose lips sink ships and get people killed. Now, we must assume Bradley Manning is innocent until proven guilty. He does have that right, even in the Army.

There was no doubt of Jane Fonda’s guilt; after all, she flaunted herself in front of North Vietnamese cameras running her mouth the whole time. We so far have not seen any evidence that would indicate Private Manning is guilty of leaking secrete documents to WikiLeak. That revelation will have to wait for his court martial. In the meantime, the controversy will rage on and most of us will be able to say what we want because we have the right to do so. I know I have the right to say, “Get a rope,” but I will refrain from doing so in the future. I wonder if saying “Get a rope” infers that I am a vigilante of some kind; which, by the way, is certainly illegal in our country. Of course I am not a vigilante, and I do not support capital punishment. Now, that subject is for another blog…. I can feel the debate heating up!

I’m just saying,


Mittster

The Zoo At Our House

You should try to write a book while living in the zoo at our house. As I write, Pickles, the Meyer’s parrot, is screeching because he wants to be with me in the office so he can tear up everything in sight and then poop on it for good measure. He took a shower with me this morning, but no, that’s not good enough. I bought the little terror seven years ago for my wife’s birthday, but he bonded to me. She just had to have a parrot, and now I get to be married to both!

Then there is Mittsy the Pomeranian. We bought Mittsy in Michigan fourteen years ago. She is our oldest and is exhibiting some of the same behavior as my mother-in-law. That’s not to say I don’t love them both. I do, but not being able to control your bladder is OK for a human, but not so OK for a dog who thinks every rug in the house is a potty. She is so adorable and loving; it will be hard to see her leave the planet. Perhaps because she is half blind and losing her hearing, Mittsy can’t tell where the outdoors is anymore. Come to think of it, I have days like that too!

Annie is our long-haired Chihuahua – she is about eight years old and the real nutsoid of the family. We sort of rescued her from the vet because one of his customers couldn’t take care of her anymore. She is our Prozac dog and needs her fix two times a day. Without it, she turns into a nightmare with fangs and claws. None of the other dogs are safe when she goes off, especially Mittsy. She sleeps a lot these days, but is still terrified at the sound of rain, wind or thunder, and when she accidently bites herself. She also likes to sit in a corner and look and growl at what must be ghosts in the house. This doesn’t bother me much; I figure they (the ghosts) are too busy with her to bother with us. That works for me….

We do have a well behaved, short-haired, black and tan Chihuahua named Gonzo (named after the ex-baseball player for the Arizona Diamondbacks). We bought him in Arizona about seven years ago. What a little gentleman he is, tough, but always polite with his human pack. His idea of play is to grab a toy and stay just ahead of me, tail wagging, while I sort of run after him saying, “That’s my toy, Gonzo. It’s mine, it’s mine, and I want it right now.” Of course I never quite catch him and eventually he gets under the kitchen table and chews on his toy while I head back to the office to try and get some work done.

Last, but not least, is our white, short-haired Chihuahua named Taco. We rescued him a couple of years ago from a Prescott Valley, Arizona, rescue center. He was abandoned in the dead of winter by some unknown creep (you know who you are!). How he survived that particularly cold winter is anyone’s guess, but the important thing is that he is living with us and we will provide for him until it’s time for him to leave the planet. Taco is a Deer Chihuahua with extremely long legs, and he can run like the wind. He is our miniature sight hound and there is nothing better than watching him run at a dog park. He takes turns sleeping at night under the covers snuggled up to me or wifey, although I must admit he bonded to Sandy from the very beginning, but when she is not home, I get him all to myself.

Well, there you have it – a writer’s nightmare it would seem. The truth is that I couldn’t write without the zoo in our house. I can’t imagine living without our pets, and in fact, we both require their companionship and love. They force us to stay home much of the time, but in today’s world, that isn’t such a bad idea. I do miss wifey not going on long distance book signings with me, but we both understand the commitment pets require and we lovingly succumb to that commitment.

Write on,

Mittster