Treadmill Aliens:

Three times a week, I "Sharpen The Saw" with a wild and woolly workout. When I finish my workout program designed to help with arthritis due to 47 years in the construction industry, I jump on the treadmill for a 30 minute fast paced climb up Mt. Everest.

To keep from being bored out of my skull during all this excitement, I watch television. This morning my usual animal programs were all repeats, so I settled for an expose on the Military Channel about UFOs’, Aliens and Area 51.

“Hey, ma, it’s that alien crap again!”

Why am I drawn to this stuff? Could it be because I feel so alien all the time? My evil identical twin brother (www.murdermysteryevilinthemirror.com) and I were born with super large heads, our own secret language, simultaneous dreams, ESP and God only knows what else. We always knew our parents were mere earthlings, because they were so boring. I wondered if mom knew she was a victim of alien abduction, because it explained everything.

The day I turned 21, I told my mom about seeing a flying saucer while we were going to the San Diego County Fair in 1953.
“Why did you wait so long to say anything,” she replied?
“Simple, mom, you can’t have me committed after I become of age.”
“Silly boy, we could have committed you and your brother many times in the last 21 years had we wanted to.”

Humm, good point…

In any case, click on the title of this blog if you want to see what my bro and I looked like when we were ten years old.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Have a good day in spite of me,

Mittster

It’s That Roswell Crap Again!

I had a dream last night that I was taken from my bed to an alien spacecraft where they performed rather horrific scientific experiments on my body. The alien creatures were nasty looking, big headed bastards with huge eyes and tiny mouths. Their skin looked like old shoe leather and even though they were short in stature, they were extremely strong for their size.

After they were finished probing my body with strange and painful equipment, they stood back, and I swear, there were smiles on their ugly, tiny mouths. The grins were ominous in nature and I feared the worst was yet to come.

As I struggled with my restraints to get free, another taller creature entered the room. This alien was close to six feet tall and appeared to be female, sort of. It came close to the table and looked down at my shaking, naked body and smiled a wicked grin. Oh, my God, tell me it isn’t so – it was taking its clothes off!

I had read about possible cross breeding with aliens, but I thought it was nonsense. As the creature started to climb up on the table, I awoke to find my wife shaking me violently, saying, “Wake up, Mitt, you’re having a nightmare! I swear this is the last time you are watching science fiction horror movies before going to sleep.”

She has a point,

Mittster

Well, Tweet My Twitter

As the title implies, I love talking dirty to myself. In reality though, I thought I would write a few comments about Twitter and how it has impacted my Web Life. Yes, I said, Web Life. You know, the place everyone reading this blog lives to the chagrin of everyone else who lives in boring reality.

As suggested by my publisher, my book promotions are centered around three Websites: Twitter, Facebook, and a Website dedicated to my books. Facebook is certainly the most fun, whereas the Website is just a showcase. Twitter is mostly serious, which took some getting used to. Nothing much funny going on there - just people trying to be noticed by somebody who is somebody. In Twitterland, the nobodies prevail, but occasionally somebody will surface who has thousands and thousands of followers. I am trying to be one of those people.

I Tweet my Blog on Twitter everyday (there I go getting dirty again. Sorry!), and I have about 300 or so followers - mostly writers, publishers and an assortment of weirdos like myself. The trick is to get people interested in what you have to offer. I obviously haven't learned the trick yet, but if I am one thing, it's persistent! In theory, the harder you try at something, the better chance you have of succeeding. The reality may be different, but I keep moving forward no matter the weight on my shoulders.

Also, in theory, Twitter can connect you with the elite and powerful. My problem is that I wouldn't know what to say if or when I did meet them. Well, that's not quite accurate; I did have a short connection with Anne Rice, but she didn't offer to introduce me to her publisher. Perhaps she tired of my platitudes and idol worship. After all, she is my favorite author.

After the summer is over, I plan to have a video made and submit it to YouTube featuring my book Evil in the Mirror. I look at it this way - why not make my Web experience even more exciting by having four places to live!

I'm just saying,

Mittster

Something To Blog About

I received an e-mail from Google informing me that they had donated 20 million dollars to worldwide charities in 2010. They also thanked me and everyone who uses Google for making that donation possible. Personally, 20 million dollars doesn't register on my Richter scale - it only goes to a couple hundred thousand and then rolls over and plays dead.

I have always preferred Google for my search engine, but it wasn't until I was introduced to Google Blogspot that I began to really appreciate the company. It's great that the site is free, but more importantly (unlike most Web freebies), Blogspot is a fantastic and professional looking blog page! You can do everything the paid sites can do and more. Such a deal! There is something in this world that is actually free.

As an author, blogging is a must. Because of my teaching to learn philosophy, reaching out with a blog takes on a new and exciting dimension. I like to share my experiences in the writing world with the newbies who are trying to write, publish, and share their work. With a blog, your writings can truly be seen by billions of people!




Because I have managed to get two books published, I do feel that I can teach others who want to become published authors to avoid the pitfalls I encountered on my journey. Why make costly mistakes along the way. Everything I have written to help folks on my blog is also free. I learned that from Blogspot.

My site has well over 250 past blogs. I admit not all are about being an author, but each and every one is about being a writer. The good, bad and ugly are all there waiting for you to read. Pick out the things that may help you walk through the minefield of becoming a published author and disregard the ones that don't. I do hope you find some of my writing funny because without some humor, your journey will indeed be a long one.




One thing is for sure; while I am trying to teach you from my experiences, I will learn just as much or more than you. It's that teach to learn thing. Once you get published, try teaching what you have learned. The results may surprise you....

Write on,

Mittster

High Tech Wipeout

I am sitting here thinking about how I am hooked on technology. Our Internet service is again non-existent due to, I presume, the monsoonal storms we are having on a daily basis. Of course I have called the irritating recording supplied by our service and the message, which is 48 hours old, says everything is hunky dory. No, everything isn’t hunky dory and it sucks. The fact that it is Saturday only makes the situation worse. I can’t talk to a human being until Monday!

Which brings me to this blog and the fact that I can’t post it; what if all communication technology were to cease and desist on our planet? Now that is a scary thought, and in fact so scary that a horror movie could be made from it. Instant communications would be disrupted and people like me would go into a tailspin and fall at the speed of light.

The thought of me sending something snail mail is so frightening my skin is crawling with goose bumps. Just think of having to use a landline to make a call; if that doesn’t get your bumps jumping, how about no texting? In other words, folks, no instant communication anytime, anywhere, anyhow. We will be sitting in a techno void where all you can hear is the rapid beating of your heart getting ready to explode from apprehension.

There is one silver lining for us older folks who remember when there were no cell phones or Internet. In fact, I remember rotary dials on phones and when there were pay phones




on every block. Come to think of it, I remember going to work in the mornings and stopping for breakfast at Denny’s with no cell phone strapped to my hip ringing incessantly while I was trying to eat my Grand Slam.

When I got to work, I had one phone in my construction trailer and a pay phone outside for workers to use. I sometimes wonder how we ever got a project finished with no cell phones or texting. I remember walking through projects and not being interrupted by the sound of a bull elk’s mating call or God only knows what other kind of ring tone.

I actually did have a Motorola truck phone in the seventies.




It was permanently mounted and it had a horn feature. When the phone rang the horn sounded off. Of course the only time I ever used this feature was when I was at the bar. If the wife called to find out why I was late getting home, I could run out and answer her call and she couldn’t hear the loud music in the bar. Otherwise, there was no way I was going to run to the truck on a construction site just to have the caller hang up when I reached the truck out of breath. I had no idea that the truck phone would be the start of a communications revolution. I also had no idea that our privacy would be invaded from that moment on.

Perhaps the communications failure scenario would not be so scary after all; we could get back to simpler times and lives with abundant serenity for everyone. No freaking way, I refuse to go through the withdrawals! What about the younger folks who have always had instant communications? Let’s face it; they couldn’t handle life without their portable devices. Armageddon? I’m thinking the Old Testament had it all wrong. Take away our instant communications and the prophecy will be fulfilled….

I’m just saying,

Mittster